Finding balance Every day

Finding balance

James 1:2-4

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

In high school and growing up, I was never athletic. I never had the desire to be. I participated in sports but I was uncoordinated, uninterested, and self conscious. All the attributes of a tall lanky teenager worried about what her friends would think, I was uninspired. My talents were in the classroom. I excelled in school, bookwork that is. I never dreaded class, or tests. That part came easy to me. I guess I realize now that my path was headed towards medicine at a very young age, since math and science were absolutely my favorite classes in school. I looked forward to the science fair more than I looked forward to homecoming. Even now, I have a hard time admitting that!

But a particularly strange thing happened to me a few years back. All of the sudden, I found myself exhausted every day, with no energy to even last through a typical work day without feeling like I wanted a nap. My joints and bones started aching. I had a hard time standing up from a chair if I had been sitting too long. I felt like my body just would not cooperate. All at once I felt I had aged 30 years. I have always tried to maintain some type of exercise. I went swimming before work when I was an intern in Richmond at MCV hospitals. I would walk on the treadmill. I like to go to the gym and get on the stairclimber or elliptical. But at this point in my life, even those activities were increasingly difficult to fit in my schedule, and when I finally found the time to go to the gym, I was simply to tired or achy to work out. I gained weight and basically felt miserable. I was increasingly relying on Starbucks to get me through the day. Caffeine was effective, but even that lost its power after a while. Work suffered and I was irritable with my job, my staff. I dreaded going in every day. I didn't want to get out of bed in the mornings. I was clearly sinking into an abyss of darkness and I did not even have a desire to climb out of it for a while.

One very fateful afternoon, I remember sitting in the living room with my husband watching the 2008 summer Olympics. The marathon was on and I remember feeling totally captivated watching the runners. They were so lean, and so fast, and so limber. I had tried to run a VERY FEW TIMES in my life....I am sure never more than 10 minutes per effort...and I simply gave out of breath. I concluded with certain confidence that "I am just not a runner." I rationalized that some people are runners and some are not. Clearly, I had been in good shape before...I mean, I could climb a Stairmaster for 45 minutes straight...but since I could not run for more than 10 minutes, there must be something genetically different about me that renders me incapable of being a runner. I had friends who were runners, but I was just not like them.

But as I sat there watching the Olympic runners participate in the marathon, and hearing the commentators talk about their stories, I was struck with the idea that I should give it another try - an honest try. I needed something, after all, since my body was clearly falling apart by the day, based how bad I had been feeling.

My first half marathon Richmond VA 2009

So I started running. At first on the treadmill for 30-60 second intervals....yes, 30 to 60 SECONDS. Running was hard....especially at the age of 37, when my body had NEVER experienced such TRAUMA. Running was worse than being up all night on call working in the ICU in downtown Richmond at MCV...What a wimp I was! How had I let this happen to my body!! But I perservered, and gradually I worked up to 30 minutes running on the treadmill. I set my sites on running outdoors.  After letting my legs adjust to the different surface....asphalt is much harsher on the legs than a cushioned treadmill surface...I again gradually worked up to about a 30 minute walk-jog. I found a friend to run with, which turned out to be one of the greatest blessings in my life. A running partner quickly becomes a great friend when you endure literally hours together pounding the pavement and talking, solving all of the world's problems by the mile.

Romans 5:3-4  

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope

Finishing with a new 5K personal best Thanksgiving Day 2012
Asheville NC

Eventually, I started running longer and I joined a group of amazing friends with the Orubo running group here in town. I have learned that the running network in Greenville is full of amazing and inspirational people. Local road races are like BFF reunions! But perhaps the most amazing thing I have witnessed is how God has used this experience to bring me so much closer to Him. No longer have I been walking around in a fog of fatigue and malaise, but now I have such greater mental acuity and I feel so much better. I have experienced the morning air in frigid temperatures and something happens to my thoughts throughout the day that constantly bring me closer to God. I have peace at work. I have motivation to get up in the morning - - even at 4:15 am to go out in the cold and run. I began craving His word and time with God every day. I began noticing God more and more in everything happening in my life. It was not that "God showed up," but rather He had been there the whole time...I just finally took the time to really notice Him in everyday life!

And this led me to a painfully obvious conclusion about my relationship with God.

finishing my first marathon with my stepson Alex 2010
Richmond VA

Just as I remain committed to getting out of bed each day and heading out for a run that can be hard and grueling, the rewards are 100-fold. And my relationship with God is much the same. He expects me to work hard. And He puts some seemingly insurmountable challenges in my path. But He has equipped me to do the work He puts before me. And when the day is done, the reward is great. I have a very hard time putting into words how I feel when I know I have just done something that should have been miserable and impossible, but is instead amazing and wonderful. God's plans for me fill up my heart with an indescribable joy.

Colossians 1:11

May you be strengthened with all power according to his glorious might, 

for all endurance and patience with joy

People ask me all the time, "how do you do what you do?" Or, "your job must be so depressing...I could never do it." And certainly when I step back and look at what I do from the outside, I can see how people would perceive that. Yes, there are hard days. Just like some long runs are hard....but life is not a walk in the park. It is a marathon. And we have to train daily for what God has ahead for us. Sinking myself in His word every day is my training plan. I cannot lie back idle and ignore the race that is ahead of me. God has given us a great gift....a plan for our life, with the tools to run the race. Our Bible is our instruction and proof that He is coaching us through this life.

We simply have to get up each morning and head out for the run. The rewards are greater than we can even imagine. Jesus is our greatest fan and the only reason we can endure the job we have here.

I know this because He runs along with me every single day.

Finishing the OBX race 2012 with some of the greatest people I have ever known in the Orubo Running Group

Hebrews 12:1 

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

I will dwell in the house of The Lord

Psalm 23:6

"Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever"




With my job comes an insurmountable task of paperwork....writing notes about the daily patient visits, signing paper orders for medications to outpatient hospice agencies, signing off on electronic chart summaries, hospital orders, medication orders. That is not even to mention the amount of paperwork the insurance companies require. If I write a prescription for an expensive medication, I will then have to complete no less than 3-4 pages of additional forms explaining why the patient needs the medication (as if I am not really prescribing it for the right reasons...but I will try to hold back my cynicism here), and then usually re-writing the same prescription order on a form that the insurance company requires. I cannot begin to understand how creating such a lengthy paper trail and increasing the work load on so many people saves money somehow, but that is the reason I am given for why I have to do all of this extra paperwork. Easily, on any given day, I may spend 5 or more hours actually face to face with patients. For that level of patient care, I will have no less than the exact same amount of time spent in paperwork just for that day. I never seem to finish. It is quite literally one of  the must burdensome aspects of medicine these days!

Hebrews 10:36 

For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.

Perhaps making the problem worse is the fact that I am somewhat of a perfectionist. (My coworkers and staff please don't laugh here...).  I want my charts to have all complete details, and I do everything I can to leave no stone unturned when reviewing patient histories. Every detail can be important. I sometimes lie awake at night feeling like I have missed something....And when I have that feeling, I have no option but to get up and look over a chart that is nagging me, to figure out what I have overlooked. The shocking thing is, I usually haven't forgotten anything, but those trips to the computer to review "one more time" always lead to an important discovery somehow.  I may run across a telephone message that came in after I left the office. Or I may see a test result that just came through. What is it that pulls me in the direction of my patients, or of anything, when I should otherwise have my mind off of work? I honestly know the answer to this question, and yet I am still always astonished when this happens to me. The Lord prepares me for work, and He expects me to respond to His calling.  And yet I constantly feel compelled to "do it myself." I feel like I am the one in charge, and I have the responsibility to comb over all details and make all of the decisions.

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him. who have been called according to his purpose.

This "perfectionism" and need to feel like I am in control interferes with my ability to listen to God.  I lose the ability to hear Him when this happens. I think I need to check off my list of things to do: sign the charts, dictate my notes, go home, spend time with family, help my son with homework, shower, go to bed...check, check, check things off the list. When I get in the rut, sooner or later I get blindsided. I am in the routine and comfortable with my abilities. Patients are doing well. No catastrophes. The chemotherapy worked just like it was supposed to. No patients are getting the "rare 1% side effects." Then a storm rolls in and all of the sudden things fall apart. I am once again humbled and I realize...I was never in charge at all. I never was in the driver's seat. How could I be so proud? And yet the Lord knows this about me. Psalm 139 speaks so clearly on this.

You have searched me, Lord,

    and you know me.

² 

You know when I sit and when I rise;

    you perceive my thoughts from afar.

³ 

You discern my going out and my lying down;

    you are familiar with all my ways.

⁴ 

Before a word is on my tongue

    you, Lord, know it completely.

⁵ 

You hem me in behind and before,

    and you lay your hand upon me.

⁶ 

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

    too lofty for me to attain.

God is patiently always waiting for me to acknowledge that He is in fact, the one in the driver's seat, if only I will get out of His way.

I recently took care of one of the sweetest souls this earth could ever know. She was quite ill, but her cancer was not so terribly rare, and the treatment had a greater than 80% chance of a complete remission as long as she could take chemotherapy. There was NO chance, in my mind, that she would not get better. She sailed through her treatments, always getting the chemotherapy doses on time and without any complications.




Through our relationship, we just fell in love with each other. I loved her family. I felt I had known her for years, not just months. We became great friends. She was incredibly grateful, thanking me profusely every time I saw her. This is always astonishing to me - that people thank me for giving them treatments that make them feel so terrible. And after all...I am just the instrument writing out the recipes that will heal the cancer. I did not create the solution...but I have been placed here to implement what God has been behind for far longer than I have even been alive. But nonetheless, she was grateful for her treatments, and I was grateful to be a part of her life.

But when we did her final scans, her cancer was strangely still there. What the heck?? That was not the plan at all!  I looked at her scan and felt I had been hit in the stomach. At that time, I did not turn to God to question anything. I felt like He had a plan for all of this.  I immediately knew what needed to happen. I felt despair for literally a few moments, and then as quickly as those feelings came, they left, when I came up with the solution...she just needed radiation therapy and she would be fine. I knew in my heart that she would be okay.

So I met with her and her daughter, we reviewed her scans, and she was ready for radiation. I felt relief that we had a "plan B." But in the back of my mind, I had a nagging feeling that I cannot to this day put into words. Something just was not right.

Psalm 46:1-3 

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. "Selah"

She had completed a few days of radiation therapy but was getting sicker. She had to be hospitalized, and she continued to decline. Her inpatient evaluation unveiled another problem, one that would require a major operation just to save her life. We were at the unfortunate 'fork in the road.' With surgery, she may survive and proceed to radiation and everything will be okay. Without surgery, she may not survive. She decided to go ahead with surgery, and again I felt relief. Okay God, thank you for showing us the way to her healing!

She survived the surgery, and everything on paper and on her x-rays looked promising. I could see no reason at all that she would not recover. She did not, however, regain strength. We as her doctors believed that she would make a full recovery. We pushed her to get up and about. We gave her nourishment. We gave her pep talks. And she wanted more than anything to do all that the doctors were telling her to do.

But for some reason, her body was making a different journey than we had planned. At last, we realized that she was in fact dying. Despite all of the medicine, all of the support, and all of the tests indicating she should be getting better, she was dying.

Her daughter was at her bedside when she went to heaven. She told me of the miracles she witnessed that night. There is no greater gift than being next to the one you love when they get to go to heaven. Her mother's healing came, but not in the way we all expected or the way we wanted. We had to let go of our control, of our perfectionism and our expectations and accept what God's plan was for her. God was gracious to us. He did not take her too soon, before we were ready. He led us to the point where we could join her journey, and understand what was happening. And when we were at that place, with His comfort and grace surrounding us, only then did He take her home.

Heaven got a new angel that night. She told her family before she went that she was ready and she wanted to be with Jesus.  And there, with Jesus, she will wait for the rest of us to one day join her.

Her daughter of course has given me permission to write about her here, in case you recognize her story. As I was in the midst of this very recent journey, I did not even realize what was really happening until close to the very end. I became so attached to her, my sweet darling patient, I could not let go of the control I wanted to have when it came to her treatment. I must always be careful about that - - listening to God's plan is sometimes hard to do. It is sometimes - OFTEN - very different than the plans we have ourselves.

But our loving wonderful ever-present God is gracious. He knows we hurt and we miss our loved ones when they leave us. And looking back, I know now that the entire journey my patient took was not a journey to healing her physical earthly body, but rather a journey to prepare her spirit and to prepare her loved ones - the ones that would be left behind for a while - to be ready for her departure. Her family was blessed with so many more memories even after her sickness came. Even at the time of her death, her family witnessed the miracle of her last breath...when they were strangely awakened without a stir in the room in the middle of the night, in a quiet hospice room, just in time to see her final breaths here as she went to heaven. What an awesome moment.

In your loving sweet memory, until we see each other again...I will miss you

Matthew 11:28-30 

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

A beautiful season

Isaiah 43:2

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."

This has been a beautiful Christmas season in so many ways. I was blessed to have been able to spend time with my family. We are fortunate to have each other and our health. But there has been a lot of recent sadness, not just with my routine work, but in our community. My heart has been heavy this week for those of us left behind to mourn losses. And to try to make sense of it all, I have struggled.

Perhaps we have no greater fear in life than that of death. Although, I do not think it is really death that we fear as much as the process of dying, or dying too soon, or dying before we have had a chance to live the life we dream of. We don't want to leave our children behind to grow up without us. We don't want our children to go before they are grown. We fight with every ounce of our beings to prevent death, and illness, and pain. Paradoxically, we go through misery and pain to prevent misery and pain. Cancer seems like the worst form of suffering. The treatment can be worse than the disease. Chemotherapy itself is pain. But every day, I meet people who willingly let me give them drugs which they know will cause many adverse effects, all in the name of healing.

I have real trouble with this. I know with the simple stroke of my pen that I can order a treatment that can save a life....not that I take credit for a life saved on any level. I know very plainly that the only lives that are saved are through the miracles of God's great healing power. I do believe His great works are done with modern medicine in many cases...indeed I believe our discoveries of medicines ranging from penicillin to morphine to paclitaxel chemotherapy were all orchestrated by His guidance. But in the same way these medicines can heal, they can harm also. So there is the paradox. I have given drugs to heal cancer, and I have seen people die from the side effects of their treatment, even after the cancer has been cured.

How can I reconcile what is happening in these events? I treat a patient's life threatening cancer, giving chemotherapy drugs that certainly work, and then watch another problem develop that has potential to take a life. Robin Roberts, now not only famous as the host on Good Morning America, but also for her battle with breast cancer, was treated with chemotherapy in an effort to permanently cure an early stage breast cancer in 2007. Only 5 years after that she developed a rare condition known as MDS (Myelodysplastic syndrome), a likely direct result of the damaging effects of her initial chemotherapy on her bone marrow. The prognosis for MDS is very poor, many patients only surviving a few years. Cures from MDS are quite rare.  Surely, the odds of developing MDS are only 1-2% of all patients receiving chemotherapy for breast cancer.  The bottom line is, when I look at the odds of curing the breast cancer that my patient already has, compared to the risk of MDS or some other devastating outcome (there are many), there seems to be a clear answer: give the chemo and save a life, and take your chances with the possible bad outcomes too.

But then I see a patient who is the "1%." Statistics mean nothing when you are the 1%. And this is where I struggle the most. Why would God let me get so far along in a decision and treatment plan, only to come out on the other side to face yet another deadly sentence? I feel betrayed at times like this! I get angry at God, and at myself. Could I have done something different to have prevented this from happening? Should I have somehow known that this one patient would be the one to have a bad outcome from her treatment? Could have somehow predicted it? Will she survive this?? In much the same way, I question him even in other circumstances...like why does He 'let' a young mother get a horrifying cancer and lose her life before she has really had the chance to live - to raise her children or grow old with her husband? Or why does God 'let' a child suffer with cancer and then 'lose' the battle?

It is a crazy thing even as I sit here writing this, to have such an accusatory tone with God, my creator, who is so all knowing. How can I ask Him, "Why did you let that happen? Why was that life lost?" In fact, He knows that no life is lost. Our bodies are just earthly shells of the beautiful souls created in His perfect image. He knew us and loved us before creation and when we depart this place, He has a perfect heaven waiting for us. Psalm 139 tells us: "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." God tells Jeremiah "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." (Jer 1:5). God in fact tells us many times in the Bible that He knows us, knows the plans He has for us, He knows our journeys. He has great plans for us. (Psalm 121:3, Zephaniah 3:17, Psalm 62:1, 2 Thessalonians 3:16, Matthew11:28, to name a few...). But He never promises an easy journey. In fact we have all experienced that through our suffering is the greatest opportunity to grow closer in our relationship with Him. 

Although we are left behind here to mourn those souls who move on before we are ready for them to go, they are blessed and free of all sadness, sickness and pain. I truly know God was with them on their journey and continues to be with them. They are no longer suffering to prevent more suffering. There is no need for chemotherapy to heal, no need for morphine to ease pain. God has cured everything by allowing their souls to leave this place and move on to a more perfect place next to Him in His kingdom.

I have been directly and poignantly asked many times, "How do you know this is true? What if there is no heaven? Isn't this belief just a comfort to help us feel better about the loved ones we have lost?" I certainly have asked that of myself many times, and as an old friend once said best, "you never really know God exists until you start asking questions." Maybe that is a bit of a simplistic way of stating it, but I do know there is a lot of truth there. I have been with many people as they make their journey to heaven. I have been in many hospital rooms and have felt the presence of the Holy Spirit in a way that words cannot describe. I was at my father's bedside when he died. I saw my father leave his body and go to heaven and without a doubt it was the most precious moment in my life to be able to witness that miracle.

But how I know for sure is somewhat of a complicated and convoluted explanation, and I have many examples I can share. I look back on experiences and see much more clearly how God has been present. Often in times of stress God is hard to see so vividly...we are wrapped up in our own grief and panic and we lose sight of the big picture. But take a moment and look back at one of the most stressful periods in your own life. Then look back beyond that in the days or months leading up to that time, and remember how a series of otherwise seemingly unconnected events came together in a way that clearly impacted the crisis you were going through. God was carrying you through the storm when you did not even realize a storm was brewing.

My father, about a year before he died

My father passed away when he was only 61 years old. He had always been organized, thoughtful and compassionate towards his family, and to his friends. He was giving always to others, giving of his money, his time, his prayers. He was devoted to his family, and he adored his only grandson, my son Ethan. My father was a small business owner, a contractor in eastern North Carolina. When he began having health problems, his business suffered for 2 years before his death. He had been ill - more than we even knew - and was unable to tend to matters of his company. He ultimately had to declare bankruptcy. He was inattentive to bills, and creditors were calling. He let life insurance policies expire. He even let his health insurance policy expire. All of this, I know now, was the result of his illness taking its toll on his mental clarity. But when he died, somehow, every bill was paid just before benefits ran out. The bankruptcy cleared just before his death, unknown to him. My mother was strong through everything, her strength no doubt a miracle from God. My father's funeral costs were significant. Shortly after he died and not long after the funeral, when we were trying to figure out how to pay the bills, my mother was again miraculously taken care of...my father had a single remaining life insurance policy that paid exactly enough to cover his remaining expenses for the funeral.


No one will ever convince me that God did not know the journey we were taking. Even before we realized what was happening - that his death was imminent, God was there, carrying us and making provisions that we would all be ok. And we have been. More importantly, so is my father. He is there in heaven waiting for us to one day be with him again. And I know we will be.

So to reconcile why does God let these things happen? I cannot exactly explain why we get sick, or why we hurt, or why young mothers have to go to heaven far before their time here seems to be done. But I do know that we never make the journey alone, nor are we left behind without the help of God getting us through those difficult times. That is our comfort. And that is His message to me daily. We are never without His presence, even when we do not ask for Him to be with us, He carries us. And even when you do not realize the storm is coming, He is preparing the way to bless you even then. 

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Psalm 23:4

For I know the plans...

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."


So what kind of New Years resolutions will you set for 2013? I did a fair job last year with keeping my resolution....I resolved to give up fast food restaurants. I would say I was 75% successful throughout the year. This was a big deal for me, as one of my greatest comforts in a stressful hectic day is to pull into McDonald's and order the number 2 combo quarter pounder with cheese, no pickles, with fries and a coke. YUM. I shudder to even read the description of my very favorite fast food delicacy, I mean, we all know the ingredients of fast food are only disastrous to our health....but when my day is 'over- the- top- out- of- control' stressful, I rationalized this was my reward for a hard day but job well done. I know...that makes no sense whatsoever.

I think many days - when work is stressful, or I feel burdened and tired -  I feel that I am being punished and I deserve some kind of reward...when in fact, the job well done is the reward itself. As I look back over 2012, and really over my life, I see clearly the happiest and most rewarding memories are when I was helping someone else. New year's day is always a day of planning for me...what will I do this year? Where can I travel? What will work bring my way? What will happen with my family? Surely there will be sadness, and trials will lie ahead. But blessings will be abundant too, as I look back over last year and what I most vividly recall are the happier memories formed from the hardest days of doing what I know was God's plan for me that day.

When I traveled to Belize this year for a medical mission trip with Oakmont Baptist Church, I learned about George Cadle Price, the first prime minister of Belize. He was born in 1919 and lived until 2011 when he passed away at the age of 92. He was often referred to by many as "the father of the nation." He was instrumental in leading Belize to independence and ultimately received the highest honor from the country, the Order of National Hero award in 2000. His achievements were remarkable. Every day of his life, regardless of where he was working - either in his home in Belmopan Belize, or traveling abroad to other countries, he carved out his time for worship at 5:30 each morning and faithfully prayed and attended mass. His approach to life, and his philosophy regarding the human spirit left a greater impression on all those who knew him and loved him. He believed "happiness consisted of serving others and not of serving oneself." In fact, by our country's standards, he lived a life of poverty, surviving on only mere pennies per day at times, but never asked for more even when offered to him. God provided for him always, just that which was sufficient. He truly was the epitome of Matthew 25:40 when Jesus said "'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

Sometimes, I often wonder if I am doing any good at all for my patients, and if I am living up to the Lord's expectations of me. Surely there are many other physicians who are smarter than me, or more capable to handle the complicated illnesses that I encounter each day. Am I truly even qualified to do such important work as "God's work??" Never do I feel this more than when I am traveling abroad on medical missions and have no luxury of modern era technology to help me in diagnosing and treating patients. While in Belize, I met a young girl, Rebecca, who complained of belly pain, and on her examination, she had a large mass entirely replacing the right side of her abdomen. She was so tender when we placed the slightest pressure on her belly. After her examination however, and while we spoke with her mother, I noticed she was still able to run and play with other children, and she was smiling, and actually looked quite well. I even thought to myself, maybe there is nothing really there...maybe she is really fine.

Rebecca getting her first Xray

I learned however, that Rebecca had already seen another doctor a week or two before we arrived, and that doctor had come to the same conclusion as we had: she had a mass in her abdomen, and she needed to see a surgeon as soon as possible. She needed a CT scan, lab work and a surgery consult. This doctor was already in the midst of trying to make these arrangements, but there were many obstacles. For one, money was a major issue. The girl would need to travel to a larger city to get the care and attention she needed, but she had no transportation. A bus would be costly, and once she arrived to the medical center, she would need money to pay for her care before anyone would do anything for her. This was reminiscent of the same predicament I had experienced in West Africa, when a young patient with obviously advanced breast cancer simply did not have the means to get the care that could prolong her life.


I could not believe for one moment, however, that the Lord brought our team all the way to Belize to meet this child, and to have no solution for her to get the care she needed. Our team prayed with her and continued to pray through the duration of her stay, for God to show us a solution. When I returned home, my husband and I talked about her to our family, and I wrote about her to friends on Facebook. Others from our team did the same. A website was created to raise funds for Rebecca. Miraculously, funding was secured for Rebecca and her mother to make the trip to get her care. She was diagnosed with stage IV Wilm's tumor, a cancer arising from the kidney, which in Rebecca's case had already spread to her lungs. She was surrounded by angels. While her mother traveled with Rebecca to Mexico to get her treatment, mission workers living in Belize were able to care for her older sister while she stayed back home and attended school. The miracles around her were happening daily! The money was secured for travel, lodging, food and medical care, and funds continue to come in. I was witnessing yet another one of God's miracles. I know now that our purpose in meeting Rebecca was not to be the providers of her medical care, or even to make the diagnosis (this was already in motion prior to our arrival), but rather we were placed in her life so that wheels could be put in motion through God's perfectly orchestrated plan to heal her cancer.

Rebecca shortly after her first chemotherapy treatment

Rebecca is continuing on her journey, and we all continue to pray for complete healing. We pray for her family and for her doctors and the mission team involved in their day to day lives. She has changed my life. And her story has again changed how I view God's plans for me as often being very different than the plans I have made for myself, or what I think I know about God's will for my life.




And so in 2013, I have decided that my resolution will be to strive harder to hear the plans God has for me. From Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I am so peaceful with this promise. No matter what may lie ahead, He is constant and gracious and loves us no matter the circumstance. We can all have comfort in His promise for 2013 and all years to come.

Blessings to you for a hopeful and prosperous new year ~ Heather

If you feel called to contribute to Rebecca's cause, please read more about her and the Children of Hope Foundation in Belize:
http://raising4rebecca.blogspot.com/
https://www.facebook.com/ChildrenOfHopeFoundationBelize